Michael Scott | June 21, 2017
Cycle News In The Paddock
COLUMN
Twitter Ye Not
Perhaps I had better declare myself. I am one who likes to keep his life, his status and photographs of his food to himself. I admit that Faceplant may have its uses to a far-flung family or circle of friends. Instaflap is mainly harmless but generally very, very dull. And Twitter a bleat-feast of garrulous trivia shared by those who can’t shut up, even when they are alone. Perhaps especially when they are alone.
If this puts me on the wrong side of miserable old curmudgeon, so be it.
At the same time, I confess to a lifetime of admiration for those who race motorcycles successfully at world championship level. These are people I can truly respect.
For their ability to race motorcycles.
Some of them are entertaining individuals. One or two have become valued friends. Some are introverted and self-sufficient; others are party animals. Many more are miserable vanity sticks held hostage by their own fragile egos. But that’s all beside the point.
They are at their best competing out on the track, and normal human interest aside, that’s more or less enough.
The 2017 season has brought a massive collision between that point of view and the spurious ownership of the world by social media. This ownership includes MotoGP, and all its riders. Giving a chance for millions of complete strangers to interact with them. Whether they like it or not.
Dorna, ever eager to massage the market, is not about to let that chance go easily. As a result, riders are being treated like performing seals. By being bombarded in public with social media twaddle.
Given that social media outlets generally display the same level of wit as that most sociable of all creatures, the ant, this always had the potential to descend into a parade of juvenile idiocy.
Press conferences until now had been a chance for journalists to gather those commodities nowadays considered more valuable than gold—“quotes.” In this way, you will have heard many times what a rider plans to do on Sunday (“I’m going to give my 100 percent, to get the best result possible”) and how a race winner feels (“I’m really happy. It’s unbelievable”).
This year, however, these televised platitudes are not enough. For 2017, conferences are rounded off with questions culled from the twitterati and their allies.
Some are innocent enough, but they tend to be chosen for their humorous value. Clearly by somebody with a very under-developed sense of humor. To whom wit is just the Dutch way of saying “white.”
Recent samples include Rossi being asked if his rivals were pizza toppings, what flavors would they be? Being media savvy and alert to the earning potential, he managed a slightly witty answer, though not actually worth remembering.
It started fairly tamely at round one, with such fare as Lorenzo being asked as what sort of an animal he would describe the Ducati (“Wild. Tiger, lion. Something like that.”); and Marquez whether he would need a higher points score than 2016 to retain the title (“Of course it is never enough”).
We learned, as if we needed to, that if Scott Redding had a time machine, he would “go back a few years to when it was hooligan style in the UK. When it was free for all, no rules. That would be me.”
And that Vinales thought it was important during a race weekend to be focused all the time, and that he spoke to himself while he was riding.
By the time we reached Mugello, one third of the way through the year, it had gone completely out of control. Dovizioso, having just climbed off a 260-horsepower Ducati tying itself in knots at close to 220 mph, was confronted with a frankly incomprehensible question as to whether he would prefer to fight Valentino Rossi as a goat or Maverick Vinales as (I think) an eagle. After several attempts by the hapless and to be fair decently apologetic interviewer to make some sense of this drivel, he was obliged to give up.
Still, for all you buzzbrain93s and @46-4evers out there, now’s your chance to join in the fun. Here are some sample questions to help you get under way.
*If you had to eat your own toes, which toe would you eat first?
*If you were a dog and the other riders were trees, who would you lift your leg against?
*What color is your favorite frog?
*You are alone at dinner with Albert Einstein. What would you tell him about motorcycle racing?
*My favorite long word is “sesquipedalian.” Yours?
*If you were to be an element, would you be metallic or non-metallic?
*Which is your favorite leg?
And after that, we can let them go out and race their motorcycles again.CN
